Trigger warning: Mention of miscarriage, loss, and death
Hi, Bagong Nanay.
Kumusta? Recently, we’ve been hearing so many reports about children dying in spaces where they should’ve been safe. I cannot imagine the pain these parents are feeling, lalo na ng mga nanay. Mothers aren’t supposed to bury their children. How does a mother cope with the grief of losing a child?
That’s why I am honored to share the Kuwentong Bagong Nanay of Mommy Frances Santiago, a mom I met online who eventually became one of the pillars of our Bagong Nanay Milktea Meetups. Through our meetups, I’ve come to know her and her story. She experienced multiple miscarriages, and these experiences made her the strong woman she is now. I knew that by sharing her story with more moms, it would touch lives and glorify the Lord.
Read on.
Kuwentong Bagong Nanay: Frances Santiago
Her motherhood journey
Motherhood has been the greatest blessing of my life. God blessed me with beautiful, wonderful children, and I truly thought I already knew what my motherhood journey would look like.
But life took an unexpected turn when I experienced three miscarriages. I lost four babies in three pregnancies. Yes, one of those pregnancies was with twins. In total, I lost four babies. Four little lives I loved from the moment I knew they existed.
Each pregnancy came with hope, and each loss left a heartbreak that words could never fully describe. I grieved not only the babies I lost but also the dreams and future I had imagined with them.
“So if you know a mom who has experienced miscarriage, don’t rush her healing. Because love doesn’t end when a life ends. A mother’s love is forever.”
– Mommy Frances Santiago
After years of waiting, praying, and trusting Him. God surprised me once again. 11 years after my last child, I became pregnant again. It wasn’t just another pregnancy; it became a testimony of God’s faithfulness. Throughout this journey, God kept reminding me of His promises.
One verse that stayed close to my heart was Luke 1:45 “Blessed is she who has believe that the Lord would fullfill his promises to her.”
What a mother’s grief is like
Losing a child through miscarriage is a different kind of heartbreak. Tapos na-experience ko pa nang paulit-ulit. Sa bawat dalawang guhit sa pregnancy test, kasabay ng saya ang takot, “Sana this time, hanggang dulo na.” Pero sa bawat pagkawala, parang may bahagi na ng puso ko na hindi na maibabalik. Kasi sa ganitong situation, hindi lang baby ang ipinagluluksa mo, kundi pati ang mga pangarap, mga pangalang naisip mo na. First birthday, first steps. mga future na inakala mo na mangyayari.
Grief after repeated miscarriage is like carrying invisible scars. The hardest part wasn’t just saying goodbye once. It was learning how to survive after saying goodbye over and over again.
“Please don’t carry the weight of blame. Your losses do not define your worth, and they do not mean you failed as a mother.“
– Mommy Frances Santiago
As a Christian, hindi nawala ang faith ko, pero hindi rin nawala ang sakit. Natutunan kong pwedeng sabay umiyak at magtiwala sa Diyos noong time na yon.
Psalm 30:5 became one of the verses I held on to during those darkest times. There were nights filled with tears, heartbreak, and questions I couldn’t answer. But God reminded me that “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”
Living with grief
What helped me cope with the grief was to admit to myself that I’m not okay and cry. Cry myself out and let myself grieve.
In my experience, bumibili ako noon ng mga gamit na pang-baby like shoes, bonnet, socks, mittens, headbands, etc. Nilalagay ko sya sa box tapos itinatabi ko rin. Walang may alam noon, ako lang at si Lord. Lalo na yung mga may rainbow design. Kasi nga diba a rainbow represents hope after a storm. A rainbow is a sign of God’s promise that He is faithful.
“Darating din ang araw na may kasamang paghilom, kapayapaan, at panibagong pag-asa.“
– Mommy Frances Santiago
Mga isang taon din akong ganon, bili ng bili tapos nakatago lang. Nangangarap na, if God will gift me a child again, magagamit nya yon. But later on, pinamigay ko rin lahat. Kasi parang nung time na ‘yon, ang daming buntis sa paligid ko. Ni-let go ko na kay God, sinurrender ko na lahat kasabay ng pamimigay ng mga gamit.
At doon naman ako nahilig umakyat ng bundok. Doon ako nagdadasal, na balang araw mabubuntis din ako at magiging healthy pregnancy na ito.
Message to Bagong Nanay navigating loss
My message to them is grieve. If I could say one thing, it would be this: Please don’t carry the weight of blame. Your losses do not define your worth, and they do not mean you failed as a mother. And if you’ve gone through this more than once like me, I know the fear becomes different.
Every pregnancy brings hope, but it also brings anxiety. You start wondering if you’ll get to hold your rainbow baby. You question your body, your faith, and sometimes even yourself. Minsan mapapatanong ka na rin kay Lord, “Bakit ako?” o “Hanggang kailan?” at okay lang yan.
Hindi ibig sabihin na mahina ang faith mo. Kahit ang taong may matibay na pananampalataya, napapagod at umiiyak din. Hindi ka kulang, hindi ka pinaparusahan. Hindi mo kasalanan ang nangyari.
Darating din ang araw na may kasamang paghilom, kapayapaan, at panibagong pag-asa. Ang kwento ng buhay mo ay hindi pa tapos. God is still writing a beautiful story, kahit hindi pa natin ito nakikita ngayon. One day, the tears we cry today will become part of a testimony of his faithfulness.
Hindi ibig sabihin habang buhay ka na nasa dilim. Darating ang umaga. Maaring hindi ito dumating sa oras na gusto natin. Pero darating ito sa tamang panahon ng Diyos. Ang umaga ay maaring dumating sa anyo ng healing, renewed faith, peace, answered prayers o simpleng lakas para muling bumangon.
What Frances wants other people to know about grief
Hindi madaling ipaliwanag ang grief ng isang ina. It’s not just sadness; it’s love that has nowhere to go. Para kang araw-araw na lumalaban habang may kulang sa puso mo na hindi na mabubuo sa same way again. You smile. You function. You love, but deep inside,
you have changed. Forever changed by loss and longing.
People often say “At least maaga pa,” or “Makakabuo pa kayo ulit.” They mean well, but grief doesn’t measure time. Araw-araw natututo kang mabuhay ulit. You smile, you work, you take care of your family. Life goes on, but deep inside may bahagi ng puso mo na tahimik na nagluluksa.
So if you know a mom who has experienced miscarriage, don’t rush her healing. Because love doesn’t end when a life ends. A mother’s love is forever.
This is my motherhood journey. A story of love, loss, faith, waiting and God’s unfailing grace.
As I continue this journey of motherhood, I want to remind every mama that motherhood isn’t measured only by the children we get to hold. It’s also found in the love we carry the sacrifices we make, the prayers we whisper, and the faith we choose to keep even when life doesn’t go as planned.
Want to share your Kuwentong Bagong Nanay? Comment below or send me a message on Instagram @bagongnanay
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