Bagong Nanay

Tag: grief

  • Frances Santiago: Coping with Grief and Loss

    Frances Santiago: Coping with Grief and Loss

    Trigger warning: Mention of miscarriage, loss, and death

    Hi, Bagong Nanay.

    Kumusta? Recently, we’ve been hearing so many reports about children dying in spaces where they should’ve been safe. I cannot imagine the pain these parents are feeling, lalo na ng mga nanay. Mothers aren’t supposed to bury their children. How does a mother cope with the grief of losing a child?

    That’s why I am honored to share the Kuwentong Bagong Nanay of Mommy Frances Santiago, a mom I met online who eventually became one of the pillars of our Bagong Nanay Milktea Meetups. Through our meetups, I’ve come to know her and her story. She experienced multiple miscarriages, and these experiences made her the strong woman she is now. I knew that by sharing her story with more moms, it would touch lives and glorify the Lord.

    Read on.

    Kuwentong Bagong Nanay: Frances Santiago

    Her motherhood journey

    Motherhood has been the greatest blessing of my life. God blessed me with beautiful, wonderful children, and I truly thought I already knew what my motherhood journey would look like.

    But life took an unexpected turn when I experienced three miscarriages. I lost four babies in three pregnancies. Yes, one of those pregnancies was with twins. In total, I lost four babies. Four little lives I loved from the moment I knew they existed.

    Each pregnancy came with hope, and each loss left a heartbreak that words could never fully describe. I grieved not only the babies I lost but also the dreams and future I had imagined with them.

    “So if you know a mom who has experienced miscarriage, don’t rush her healing. Because love doesn’t end when a life ends. A mother’s love is forever.”

    – Mommy Frances Santiago

    After years of waiting, praying, and trusting Him. God surprised me once again. 11 years after my last child, I became pregnant again. It wasn’t just another pregnancy; it became a testimony of God’s faithfulness. Throughout this journey, God kept reminding me of His promises.

    Frances wrote this for Bagong Nanay | Courtesy of Frances Santiago

    One verse that stayed close to my heart was Luke 1:45 “Blessed is she who has believe that the Lord would fullfill his promises to her.”

    What a mother’s grief is like

    Losing a child through miscarriage is a different kind of heartbreak. Tapos na-experience ko pa nang paulit-ulit. Sa bawat dalawang guhit sa pregnancy test, kasabay ng saya ang takot, “Sana this time, hanggang dulo na.” Pero sa bawat pagkawala, parang may bahagi na ng puso ko na hindi na maibabalik. Kasi sa ganitong situation, hindi lang baby ang ipinagluluksa mo, kundi pati ang mga pangarap, mga pangalang naisip mo na. First birthday, first steps. mga future na inakala mo na mangyayari.

    Grief after repeated miscarriage is like carrying invisible scars. The hardest part wasn’t just saying goodbye once. It was learning how to survive after saying goodbye over and over again.

    “Please don’t carry the weight of blame. Your losses do not define your worth, and they do not mean you failed as a mother.“

    – Mommy Frances Santiago

    As a Christian, hindi nawala ang faith ko, pero hindi rin nawala ang sakit. Natutunan kong pwedeng sabay umiyak at magtiwala sa Diyos noong time na yon.

    Psalm 30:5 became one of the verses I held on to during those darkest times. There were nights filled with tears, heartbreak, and questions I couldn’t answer. But God reminded me that “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

    Living with grief

    What helped me cope with the grief was to admit to myself that I’m not okay and cry. Cry myself out and let myself grieve.

    In my experience, bumibili ako noon ng mga gamit na pang-baby like shoes, bonnet, socks, mittens, headbands, etc. Nilalagay ko sya sa box tapos itinatabi ko rin. Walang may alam noon, ako lang at si Lord. Lalo na yung mga may rainbow design. Kasi nga diba a rainbow represents hope after a storm. A rainbow is a sign of God’s promise that He is faithful.

    “Darating din ang araw na may kasamang paghilom, kapayapaan, at panibagong pag-asa.“

    – Mommy Frances Santiago

    Mga isang taon din akong ganon, bili ng bili tapos nakatago lang. Nangangarap na, if God will gift me a child again, magagamit nya yon. But later on, pinamigay ko rin lahat. Kasi parang nung time na ‘yon, ang daming buntis sa paligid ko. Ni-let go ko na kay God, sinurrender ko na lahat kasabay ng pamimigay ng mga gamit.

    At doon naman ako nahilig umakyat ng bundok. Doon ako nagdadasal, na balang araw mabubuntis din ako at magiging healthy pregnancy na ito.

    Frances conquered Mount Pulag | Courtesy of Frances Santiago

    Message to Bagong Nanay navigating loss

    My message to them is grieve. If I could say one thing, it would be this: Please don’t carry the weight of blame. Your losses do not define your worth, and they do not mean you failed as a mother. And if you’ve gone through this more than once like me, I know the fear becomes different.

    Every pregnancy brings hope, but it also brings anxiety. You start wondering if you’ll get to hold your rainbow baby. You question your body, your faith, and sometimes even yourself. Minsan mapapatanong ka na rin kay Lord, “Bakit ako?” o “Hanggang kailan?” at okay lang yan.

    Frances, with her rainbow baby, Teo. | Courtesy of Frances Santiago

    Hindi ibig sabihin na mahina ang faith mo. Kahit ang taong may matibay na pananampalataya, napapagod at umiiyak din. Hindi ka kulang, hindi ka pinaparusahan. Hindi mo kasalanan ang nangyari.

    Darating din ang araw na may kasamang paghilom, kapayapaan, at panibagong pag-asa. Ang kwento ng buhay mo ay hindi pa tapos. God is still writing a beautiful story, kahit hindi pa natin ito nakikita ngayon. One day, the tears we cry today will become part of a testimony of his faithfulness.

    Hindi ibig sabihin habang buhay ka na nasa dilim. Darating ang umaga. Maaring hindi ito dumating sa oras na gusto natin. Pero darating ito sa tamang panahon ng Diyos. Ang umaga ay maaring dumating sa anyo ng healing, renewed faith, peace, answered prayers o simpleng lakas para muling bumangon.

    What Frances wants other people to know about grief

    Hindi madaling ipaliwanag ang grief ng isang ina. It’s not just sadness; it’s love that has nowhere to go. Para kang araw-araw na lumalaban habang may kulang sa puso mo na hindi na mabubuo sa same way again. You smile. You function. You love, but deep inside,
    you have changed. Forever changed by loss and longing.

    People often say “At least maaga pa,” or “Makakabuo pa kayo ulit.” They mean well, but grief doesn’t measure time. Araw-araw natututo kang mabuhay ulit. You smile, you work, you take care of your family. Life goes on, but deep inside may bahagi ng puso mo na tahimik na nagluluksa.

    So if you know a mom who has experienced miscarriage, don’t rush her healing. Because love doesn’t end when a life ends. A mother’s love is forever.

    Frances’ family | Courtesy of Frances Santiago

    This is my motherhood journey. A story of love, loss, faith, waiting and God’s unfailing grace.

    As I continue this journey of motherhood, I want to remind every mama that motherhood isn’t measured only by the children we get to hold. It’s also found in the love we carry the sacrifices we make, the prayers we whisper, and the faith we choose to keep even when life doesn’t go as planned.

    Want to share your Kuwentong Bagong Nanay? Comment below or send me a message on Instagram @bagongnanay

  • Dealing with Grief and Loss: Saying Goodbye to Our Dog Panda

    Dealing with Grief and Loss: Saying Goodbye to Our Dog Panda

    On August 8, we lost a family member—our almost 16-year-old dog, Panda.

    This morning, I caught myself staring at a gaping hole outside our home. It would have been the resting place of our dear Panda,who passed away peacefully in his sleep that day. It’s only been three weeks since he left us, but not a day goes by that we aren’t reminded of him.

    That hole was my husband’s and my attempt to dig a grave for our beloved dog. When we found out that he’s dead at 11AM, our instinct was to dig—under the scorching heat, with the only tools we had at home: a small pick and shovel, and a lot of heart.

    Hello, Panda

    I first met Panda during my then-boyfrend, now husband’s birthday celebration at home back in 2009. He was still a tiny puppy, only a few days old. He had a white fur and black spots, easily, they named him Panda. Since then, we took care of him, and loved him as our family.

    When his sister Pipay died a few years back from slug poisoning, we thought we’d lose Panda too. He showed the same symptoms, but thankfully, we rushed him to the vet at midnight and he was given medicine for his liver.

    When Kevin and I got married and lived in Eastwood, Panda stayed under the care of our tenant in Tandang Sora. We would visit often, usually bringing liempo as his treat. During the pandemic, when our tenant moved out, we took Panda in because he was all alone. Together with our toddler daughter, we survived the lockdown inside our 24-sqm studio unit.

    Our dear Panda.

    We walked him at our condo’s parking lot, as we got our own dose of sunlight and exercise. And when we finally moved to our new home, he had the space to run free again.

    Goodbye, Lolo Panda

    We dug until we reached a rock we just couldn’t break. By then, I was already feeling dizzy, and my husband was drenched in sweat. He took a break from his work, telling his teammates, “I’ll just bury my dog.” My heart broke when I heard him say that. Our kind neighbor saw us and lent us his bigger shovel.

    When Panda died, our instinct was to dig a grave for our dog.

    We took a break for a while because there seems to be no luck in digging anymore. My husband thought, how about we have him cremated?

    On Facebook, we found a pet aftercare provider. When I picked up my daughter from school, I told her what happened. That afternoon, we didn’t play any music during the ride home. We were just quiet.

    They picked up Panda’s remains that same afternoon and gave us a short time to view him before cremation. At around 4 PM, they arrived—just after our 6-year-old daughter saw him and said goodbye.

    By 6 PM, I received a text from telling us we could schedule a viewing at 9 PM. It was an hour’s drive from our home, but it was worth it.

    There, we saw Panda lying on a soft bed surrounded by flowers. Immediately, the tears we’d been holding back poured. It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to the dog who had been with us for nearly 16 years.

    Thank you, Panda.

    When I got pregnant with my first child, Panda knew. He sniffed me often, and appear so clingy because he thought we’d love him less. Whenever he escaped from our house, we’d scour the village non-stop just to find him. I remember looking for him in our village while carrying my three-year-old daughter, holding an umbrella, at noontime. Only to find him resting calmly under a parked truck. He never really left us, but we always feared losing him, because he was family.

    Dealing with the grief of losing a family member

    Reflecting on Panda’s death, here are a few things that help us cope as a family.

    1. Feel your feelings.

    Allowing ourselves to sit with the sadness and grief helped. So did telling others we needed time to grieve. I had to refuse from a task that day because I told them we lost a family member. Digging that grave was our way of processing our emotions together. And being able to see Panda one last time, at peace, helped us prepare to say goodbye.

    2. Talk about him.

    He will never be forgotten. Whenever I see a dog, I think of him. In our home where he was a constant, Panda will always have a special place. Having his ashes with us brings peace—we know he’s still home.

    3. Know that it’s not your fault.

    On the day he died, I was very sorry that I wasn’t able to save him. I cried, and I was guilty that I could’ve done something to extend his life. However, I realized how blessed we are to be able to spend almost 16 years with Panda. We were his only family, and he gave us unconditional love. For that, we will always be grateful.

    Our last family photo, before I gave birth last September

    If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

    Run free now, Panda. We love you so much.

    In loving memory of Panda Aladin

    November 2009 – August 8, 2025

    Thank you Precious Paws Aftercare Services for our beautiful send-off to our beloved Panda.