On August 8, we lost a family member—our almost 16-year-old dog, Panda.
This morning, I caught myself staring at a gaping hole outside our home. It would have been the resting place of our dear Panda,who passed away peacefully in his sleep that day. It’s only been three weeks since he left us, but not a day goes by that we aren’t reminded of him.
That hole was my husband’s and my attempt to dig a grave for our beloved dog. When we found out that he’s dead at 11AM, our instinct was to dig—under the scorching heat, with the only tools we had at home: a small pick and shovel, and a lot of heart.
Hello, Panda
I first met Panda during my then-boyfrend, now husband’s birthday celebration at home back in 2009. He was still a tiny puppy, only a few days old. He had a white fur and black spots, easily, they named him Panda. Since then, we took care of him, and loved him as our family.
When his sister Pipay died a few years back from slug poisoning, we thought we’d lose Panda too. He showed the same symptoms, but thankfully, we rushed him to the vet at midnight and he was given medicine for his liver.
When Kevin and I got married and lived in Eastwood, Panda stayed under the care of our tenant in Tandang Sora. We would visit often, usually bringing liempo as his treat. During the pandemic, when our tenant moved out, we took Panda in because he was all alone. Together with our toddler daughter, we survived the lockdown inside our 24-sqm studio unit.
We walked him at our condo’s parking lot, as we got our own dose of sunlight and exercise. And when we finally moved to our new home, he had the space to run free again.
Goodbye, Lolo Panda
We dug until we reached a rock we just couldn’t break. By then, I was already feeling dizzy, and my husband was drenched in sweat. He took a break from his work, telling his teammates, “I’ll just bury my dog.” My heart broke when I heard him say that. Our kind neighbor saw us and lent us his bigger shovel.
We took a break for a while because there seems to be no luck in digging anymore. My husband thought, how about we have him cremated?
On Facebook, we found a pet aftercare provider. When I picked up my daughter from school, I told her what happened. That afternoon, we didn’t play any music during the ride home. We were just quiet.
They picked up Panda’s remains that same afternoon and gave us a short time to view him before cremation. At around 4 PM, they arrived—just after our 6-year-old daughter saw him and said goodbye.
By 6 PM, I received a text from telling us we could schedule a viewing at 9 PM. It was an hour’s drive from our home, but it was worth it.
There, we saw Panda lying on a soft bed surrounded by flowers. Immediately, the tears we’d been holding back poured. It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to the dog who had been with us for nearly 16 years.
When I got pregnant with my first child, Panda knew. He sniffed me often, and appear so clingy because he thought we’d love him less. Whenever he escaped from our house, we’d scour the village non-stop just to find him. I remember looking for him in our village while carrying my three-year-old daughter, holding an umbrella, at noontime. Only to find him resting calmly under a parked truck. He never really left us, but we always feared losing him, because he was family.
Dealing with the grief of losing a family member
Reflecting on Panda’s death, here are a few things that help us cope as a family.
1. Feel your feelings.
Allowing ourselves to sit with the sadness and grief helped. So did telling others we needed time to grieve. I had to refuse from a task that day because I told them we lost a family member. Digging that grave was our way of processing our emotions together. And being able to see Panda one last time, at peace, helped us prepare to say goodbye.
2. Talk about him.
He will never be forgotten. Whenever I see a dog, I think of him. In our home where he was a constant, Panda will always have a special place. Having his ashes with us brings peace—we know he’s still home.
3. Know that it’s not your fault.
On the day he died, I was very sorry that I wasn’t able to save him. I cried, and I was guilty that I could’ve done something to extend his life. However, I realized how blessed we are to be able to spend almost 16 years with Panda. We were his only family, and he gave us unconditional love. For that, we will always be grateful.
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
Run free now, Panda. We love you so much.
In loving memory of Panda Aladin
November 2009 – August 8, 2025
Bagong Nanay 